Christmas Dinner

A few days ago we had our annual Christmas dinner for employees, a group that came to around fifty people with some additional invitees. The entire dinner was cooked by clinic staff: Alex, Janell, Leslie, Yanire, Juan, and I, with some help from Ben.

The night’s menu:

Appetizer sandwiches

Candied Pecans

Salad

Chicken “Janell style” with McBride’s special homemade stuffing

Honey-orange glazed Pork (step four of this recipe: inject100cc’s of maple syrup into meat, using a large-bore syringe)

Twice-baked potatoes

Island-style Black-eyed peas and rice

Cranberry delight pies

Chocolate pies with bourbon sauce

Even with all that food, we ran out completely…people who came later were reduced to scraping the pans to get at scraps. Alex and I did not even get a full plate of food, as we were some of the last in line. Luckily, we had been scrounging a bit during the cooking stages, so all was good. We strung up Christmas lights, had decorated candles on the tables – a very festive affair.

Later that evening, some of the staff were hanging out on the porch, and saw a large plume of white smoke rise up from the plaza in the center of town (Santa Lucia’s annual “Feria” has been going on for a few days). A few minutes later, the on-call doc was summoned downstairs for what we thought was a single emergency patient. In reality, it was 15 patients all at once.

The story apparently goes something like this: The current mayor of Santa Lucia, in his infinite wisdom and what was said to be quite the drunken stupor, decided to light a large pile of fireworks (read: gunpowder hastily wrapped in dirty Chinese newspapers) in the middle of a crowd of people, in the plaza’s church steps, and then run like a bat out of hell. The ensuing explosion ended up burning 14 people and blowing a large chunk out of one boy’s leg, caused a minor stampede, and generally spooked many people, including clinic staff that were on the plaza – and had to literally dive to avoid the explosion. Nice work, alcalde. Nice work indeed.

Unfortunately, I will not be present for today, when I can only hope the mayor will be run out of town by a disgruntled mob of campesinos, armed to the few teeth that remain with various farming implements including, but not limited to, lots and lots of machetes.

Here comes the McBride!

So last weekend seven of us made the 10-hour journey to La Ceiba (on the Honduran coast) to attend Janell (McBride)'s sister’s wedding. We were only somewhat invited.

We were able to spend a day at the beach before the wedding, where Ben got his hair braided by a couple of Garifuna girls, and Edgar traded various smaller Garifuna girls Zambos (plantain chips) for on-the-beach lessons and demonstrations on dancing Punta. The water was warm, the sun was hot, and the buy-one-get-one-free shrimp lunches eaten right on the beach were a pleasant departure from the usual Intibucan fare.

As for the wedding, Janell’s entire family, including the bride, were surprisingly game with having a bunch of unknown white people at their special day. They sat us at basically the front row of the wedding ceremony, at one of the family tables during dinner, and Janell’s father has already invited us to visit their home in Roatan. The invitation happened, luckily enough, before us gringos started drinking and dancing. Hopefully it still stands after our multiple-hour demonstration of said whiteness. For a visual, imagine an Oreo-brand cookie, in which the cookie portion is a wedding full of Hondurans looking on with curious stares on their faces, and the filling cannot dance to save their deliciously creamy, creamy lives. Dale. Tu sabes.

Marshmallows Roasting on an Active Volcano

Sitting here in Copan Ruinas at the tail end of a weeklong vacation in Antigua, Guatemala. Lots of good food, coffee, bunsburying around, reading Steinbeck, and relaxation. Also lots of talking like ridiculous German tourists (“Vass? Fire sale on short pants!?”). All in all a wonderful trip, and a much needed break. It only took us just 16 short hours of riding on various buses to get to Guatemala. I have now increased my PR in the “holding pee in” event to 4.5 straight hours. In related news, I am now most likely sterile.

Lots of stories to tell, but I think I’ll start with the one where we roasted marshmallows with lava on the side of an active volcano. Yes, you read that right…that’s marshmallows cooked with MOLTEN ROCK FROM THE CENTER OF THE EARTH.

It goes a little like this:

We were told to take the “sunset tour” of the volcano, called Pacaya – one of 37 in Guatemala. Left on a “buscito” at 2:00 in the afternoon. Got to the volcano and bought walking sticks from waiting mob of stick-wielding children. Child salesgirl (Claudia) sold me a total lemon of a stick, weighing in at approximately sixteen pounds bone dry. Ben got “walking stick lite” and was much better off in that department. When I tried to speak to Claudia about my stick at the end of the trip, the customer service part of her brain must have been closed for the day, because she just looked at me like I was speaking jibberish. Perhaps I was.

To make a long story short, the hike up the volcano got a bit difficult at the end, especially with the crazy 30+ mph winds that started up. I had tied my borrowed sweatshirt around my neck country-club style, which meant that I spent a large portion of the hike climbing blind while the sweatshirt repeatedly wrapped itself around my head.

By the time I got to the top, I was exhausted and a little encachimbado (grumpy) but the minute I saw the lava that all disappeared. Or, I should say, “the minute I felt my feet burning through my shoes and realized I was standing on the crust of semi-molten rock, things got a little more exciting." Also, remember the gale-force wind, constantly threatening to blow us all into the glowing red rocks of scalding, scalding, limb-melting pain and/or certain death in the river of flowing lava.

But before we get to the lava…a little context:

Our cast of characters for this little sojourn included an Italian-born racing-boat builder currently riding his motorcycle from Washington state to the southern tip of Chile, Norwegian girl named Mira (or “Look!” in Spanish) Taiwanese tourist/volunteer and “man-boy”-extraordinaire (looked 18, claimed he was 28) who was traveling around Latin America, one tourist who I will call “Frumpy McGirl” because I never caught her name and she was, two European tourists, possibly German/Austrian, and old goofy dentist man (with straw hat, which blew off and disappeared down the mountain but was recovered by a small child sometime later). Also our guide, who spoke so painfully slow in Spanish for the benefit of non Spanish-speaking tourists that it became difficult to understand her after the initial welcome.

So we get to the top of our hike. Not the top of the volcano (remember, it’s active), just part of the way up. At this point, we are definitely standing on a volcano. The “path” that we are walking on is kind of like the Guatemalan Volcano version of those “Choose your own adventure” books: you choose to step on that piece of lava rock to your right and risk certain death, turn to page 122…you choose to follow the dog that has miraculously appeared at your side and hope for the best, turn to page 134. True story, a small dog followed us all the way up. We have the video to prove it. A few of the crusty parts of said “path” broke a bit when I stepped on them, causing a moment of sheer terror. This might seem fortunate, but it meant that my leg-meat survived long enough to become a happy home for a roving band of scabies. More on that later…

So then there was the REAL lava. About twenty yards past where we first started seeing (read: narrowly avoiding) glowing lava rocks is a river of lava. We stood about six feet from it, or as close as we could stand because of the intense heat. I kept my hood up so my hair wouldn’t catch fire. You’ll see from the photo.

For the main event, we found a hole down to some glowing hot lava rocks underneath where we were standing and roasted marshmallows. Delicious. Best damn marshmallow I’ve ever had. Hands down. I will post the video of me eating one of the mallows when I get back to the States for Christmas.

Marshmallavariffic!

One thing that was not said by anyone in our group (but should have been) was, “Now I know what God feels like when he roasts marshmallows.” That’s how it felt to me. (also, name that quote for all you Simpson’s fans.)

Then we “skied” down the side of the volcano by jumping at the top and then using the deep lava rock sand to ski.

So to summarize, I can now add to my life-resume that I have roasted marshmallows on lava and “skied” down a portion of a volcano. When we got to a restaurant to have nachos and beers afterwards, Asian Man-boy asked, “Did anyone else realize that was INCREDIBLY, INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS?” Touché, Man-boy. Touché.

Part II:

Lots of bus riding, a night in Copan, then met up with the Wyoming nursing student brigade in San Pedro and caught a ride with them to Concepcion. On the way, Alex and I got to spend a short time riding on top of the brigade bus. That’s definitely the way to travel around here, especially on the bad roads – laying up top in the sun, plenty of space, luggage for a pillow. Alex and I both fell asleep until a large bunch of tree leaves hit Alex in the head and made a bunch of noise. Some power lines came a little too close for comfort to my face, but other than that it seemed perfectly safe. Or at least as safe as lying on the top of a bus is, even with bars to keep you from falling off the side.

The brigade from Wyoming was a really fun group, and we ended the trip at Zona 504 karaoke bar in El Progreso. It only took 3 songs before they took the mic away from us. They never gave it back to us, though they sarcastically promised they would. The bus ride in to San Pedro to see the brigade off and then return here to Santa Lucia puts the total bus riding that I’ve done recently at 45 hours in two weeks. Bus riding after multiple tequila shots = bad, bad, vomit-inducing idea.


Other brigade highlights include: 1) thinking we had lost one brigade member for two hours or so in Colomarigua 2) getting the truck stuck – I thought the axle had bent enough that we wouldn’t drive out of it – in a ditch for 45 minutes (we were finally wedged out by a group of Honduran men, women and children wielding fence-posts), and 3) bedbug infestation of various mattresses. When I say “highlights” here I mean, “potential disasters.”

Also, I may or may not have scabies. Really, I may or may not have had scabies. I hope that whatever I had they’re gone now, after 3 permethrin treatments and one night of doing laundry with boiling water in an industrial sized garbage can, which I called “Sopa de Ropa” (clothes soup) stirred with a mop handle. See below.

If anyone out there has had scabies or the like, I feel your pain…your itchy, itchy burning pain. If not, imagine the itchiest thing that you can, then multiply it by a thousand millions. Luckily mine were only below the knee. And luckily we have pictures of the laundry process. Maria the cook thinks that the fact that I had scabies is endlessly funny…especially since my nickname “Bobicho” (we finally figured out this was from Selena trying to say “Vos, Bicho” – “you, boy”) includes a slang word for “parasite” in it.

Today, Maria, Ben, and I are going to buy our Thanksgiving Turkey. When we asked Maria if she could help us find one, her response was: “Sure, but Bobicho’s catching it.” We’ll see how that goes. Then you’ll see how that goes, because we’re going to film it.

I’m sure there are a thousand more things I wanted to put in here, since it’s been a while since my last update…which I end up saying every time. But I’ll try to remember for next time!

Hope all is well! Enjoy the cold weather, suckers! It’s a balmy 90 degrees and sunny here!!! But come to think of it, my legs are starting to itch again, so I guess it all balances out…

Love,

Brett

The Big Move

Hello dear readers,

I have finally decided to move from email to a formal blog. So this will be the new home for my infrequent emailings...which hopefully will become more frequent. Most of you have already seen the first post, but enjoy! I will try to keep them coming.